everyone's waiting

I am haunted today by that last scene of the last episode of Six Feet Under. Just found the song that played during Claire's drive.

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Sia * "Breathe Me"

& you can listen to it HERE

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I know I'm going to be melancholy today. Thinking about life and how quickly it goes by. Thinking about those I love and how quickly their lives go by. Thinking about my son and wondering where his quick life will take him.

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I really want to be able to say something profound here. But I think I'm still sorting through those emotions. Before I went to bed last night I took a good look around. Looked at our home and the little details that makes it our wonderful home. All the toys on the floor made me smile. Tucked the little one in but was quick to bring him into our bed when I heard him cry out in the middle of the night. Held my husband's hand as we fell asleep. I want to hold onto all this so bad. Yes I want us all to grow and experience life. But I don't want to let anything go. And inevitably when you reach for one thing you consciously or subconsciously let go of something else. Even if eventually I intend to let go, right here right now at this moment I don't want to let go of a single thing.

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I need to live healthier...become a vegetarian...give up fried food...stop drinking...something. I want to live a long time.

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Dawn Marie Buettner Huntington

1973 -